I wish I could punch you in the face.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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