my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
