We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
