can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
