Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
