this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
