I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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