Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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