Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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