We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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