jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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