dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you would pick up someone in the library
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
