I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
