yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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