I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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