you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
