i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
