he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
