I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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