you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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