Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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