I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
