I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
