Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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