I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
