i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
