I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
