Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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