Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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