I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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