I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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