I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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