States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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