Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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