dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
