my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
