she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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