areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
