She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
