mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
