New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
