I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
