he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
