Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
