so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
