We're like a lot better than the average bears
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
