my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
