Non-Jews are for practice
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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