It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
