Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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