True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
