I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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