Non-Jews are for practice
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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